My Granny once told me, “You should consider yourself lucky if you find ONE true friend in this crazy world.” Well, I must be the luckiest damn woman in the universe to be blessed with such loving, caring, thoughtful, loyal, and down-right cool, kick-ass friends and family. Not all friends can be E-V-E-R-Y-THING to us. Some are fun. Others are good listeners. Some are dependable. Others give great advice. Some are always available. I had to learn this life lesson the hard way, so now I accept everyone for who they are, their purpose in my life, and respond accordingly.
In college, I would get so mad when a particular friend was NEVER dependable for the important stuff. But I had sooooooo much FUN with her. It was my double-edged sword. I expected her to be everything I needed in a friend all in one nice, neat package wrapped tightly with a pretty bow. Over time, I realized that if I wanted to go to a bar or club, then she was my girl. If I needed someone very last minute to hang out or go shopping, then she was also my girl. But, if I needed to trust someone with a secret, money, bail me out of jail, or something of importance???? Well, she disappeared… so I would call someone else. (PS, I’ve never been incarcerated, but if I had… she wouldn’t have been my ONE call for help).
It seemed my friends were not living up to my expectations. Was I a bad judge of character? After many repeated disappointments, I learned to accept people for who they are and enjoy their unique qualities that drew me to him/her in the first place. This experience redefined friendship for me. No longer did I expect a friend to fulfill my every friendship need. I was MUCH happier once I accepted this basic truth. Simply adjust your expectations and let your frustrations go because sadly a FUN friend will never be a DEPENDABLE friend no matter how much you may wish or want it to be the case!!
Perhaps, you feel this would be difficult for you. Maybe you feel like it would make you a fair-weather friend? It was tough at first for me too. And it took me years to adjust. I’m so very thankful I did. No matter how FABULOUS of a friend I had the potential to be, I could never be everything to everyone. It was way too much work. At some point you lose joy. What is the good in that? And if I couldn’t be EVERYTHING to EVERYONE, then how could I expect that of someone else? We were all made with different talents, abilities, thoughts, and feelings. Maybe that is why villages worked so well in the past. Everyone contributed their own unique ability to make a complete everything. Hence the saying, “It takes a village!!”
Friendship. It comes in many sizes, colors and durations. Each friendship changes shape over time – growing stronger, and morphing from one stage to another, perhaps fading with distance, or disappearing entirely! If you’re lucky, sometimes a friendship even “re-appears” almost magically when you need it most. Many friends have entered my life at just the right time – a magical moment, if you will. Too often to count it has felt as if they were earth-bound angels sent to guide me along my journey – providing me love, advice and support. I’m thankful for each of my angels. At this point, there are those friends who are within my “inner circle” who I simply couldn’t imagine living without. As a member of my inner circle, you know how much I love you!!
Growing up our best pals were most likely our next door neighbors – you know, those we saw on the regular. As we get older, our friendships span the globe. We can be just as close to the person we see every day as we are our best pals who live from coast to coast, across the pond or up north. We don’t need to chat every day, or even see one another in person, to know our friendship is meaningful. We pick up right where we left off… no matter how much time has passed… as if no time had passed at all.
Friends drift in and out of our lives – sometimes at more of a rapid pace than we might care to admit or even like for that matter; yes, they enter our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. People are put in our path to teach us things… sometimes these things are hard to experience, but it always helps us grow and learn to be better people. We all meet people randomly in this lifetime and it is always good to hold onto the good ones (when you can) and let ‘em know you hold them in high regard and wish them well. All too often people leave that kind of stuff to themselves instead of taking the necessary minute to tell people, “Hey, YOU… you’re pretty great!!!” Sooooo go carve that out for yourself!
PS, It appears WordPress experienced a server issue and notified me that only my newest subscribers received an email notification of my last post. Sigh. There was no way to send out another email once posted, so WordPress suggested I include a link to it in my next post. If you’d like to catch up and read “Angelic SPARKS”… here you go: https://candycoatedreality.com/2013/01/28/angelic-sparks/
© Renae Rossman and Candy Coated Reality™
Wow, my grandmother said the same thing! I was the one bullied in school, but she would say, “Do you have at least one friend?” I’d say, “Yes.” She’d say, “Well that’s all you need!” 🙂
So, yeah, you’re right on the money with this one! I was struggling with the whole friend concept myself. While I have one super amazing person who is there for me for everything (my friend Gina), I have a ton of others who come and go. I learned to just go with the flow and accept whoever comes in and out of my life. Some friends I only see once a year at Christmas parties. All year, never hear from them, but always get an invite to that fabulous party. Others I don’t see very often, but when I call they’ll drop everything to talk to me. One time a psychic told me, all your friends are like rubies — but together they create a diamond. I try to keep that in mind when I get frustrated 🙂
Thank you, Maryanne!! I do love what your psychic told you!! So profound!! Grandmothers are treasured gems… I wish mine stayed on the earth longer, but I’m comforted in knowing she looks over me as my angel 🙂 Sending you love and light!! xo
Renae — Such a wonderful post! Friendship is the only gift where both givers receive something of value. Like you, my friends are the crown jewels in my life.
Barbara, thank you so much!! Yep, friends are jewels to be treasured!! xo
Love it, Renae….full of energy…Jill
Thanks so much, Jill 🙂 May God bless you and yours, always!! xo
Back at you!
I referred a young lady named Brittany to your website. She’s in a dark place at the moment and needs motivation. Very nice young lady…..Jill
Oh, wow, thanks!! Jill, I’m humbled by your referral. I do hope that Candy Coated Reality provides Brittany some light and happiness!! xo!!
She really needs it. I thought you were a good choice.
You are fortunate to be so wise so young. I cherish the few I have. When you move as much as I have, you have a collection of acquaintances. Friends, real friends are more valuable than gold and each one unique. You said it so well. Thank you.
Wise? Really? Ha! Well, I still struggle with thinking I’m wise… but I’m grateful for your kind words!! I do love to learn and absorb as much wisdom as I can… and then share this wisdom with others… that may very well make me wise, I guess. LOL!! So happy to see you return to Candy Coated Reality!! You ROCK!! xo
Piglet sidled up to Pooh. “Pooh,” he whispered.
“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw, “I just wanted to be sure of you.”
It’s enough sometimes, isn’t it, to look at a friend and for them to look at you, and for both of you to know…not anything specific really, just know. That’s all you can ever ask from a friend, really.
Thank you for this lovely post.
Yep, sometimes all we need to know is that a friend is there… very comforting, INDEED!! Thank you, Tony!!
Everybody is unique, and so is every friend.
To appreciate each for who they are is to open the tap to a blissful life. When you appreciate all that they can give and understand their misgivings, nothing would be able to hurt your feelings.
Thanks for sharing your beautiful thoughts! 🙂
Blissful life? Couldn’t agree more, my friend!!! Thanks for reading!! Sending you love and light!!
This is lovely and so are your other posts. You have a wonderful way with words. Thank you for visiting my poems Renae, you have given me a wonderful smile and I return it with joy. 🙂 Jaci:)
Jaci, you’re too kind!! Thank you for your supportive words!!! Writing is definitely my passion and I’m truly blessed to have the opportunity to share my thoughts with others through words on a page!!! Smiles all around, dear!! God bless you!!
Lovely story and everything is so bright and colorful around here. Been snowing here all day so this was a nice pick me up. And thanks for visiting my blog.
Marcelino, thank you for checking Candy Coated Reality out!! I do love colorful things… so my goal is to share this love with my readers!! I appreciate your positive feedback!! Sending you love and light!! Keep writing!!
My feeling has always been that if we concentrate more on being a good friend, having friends just seems to come with the territory. 🙂
Bo, AGREED!!! Thanks so much!!
For one to build true friendship it costs time, sacrifice, money, commitment and other things. But at the end of the day it is worth while because we all need friends.
Yep, INDEED… definitely worth the time, sacrifice, money, commitment, and more!! Thanks so much!! God bless you!!
You are spot on when it comes to realizing that each friend serves his/her purpose differently in your life and they are each there for a specific reason. It took me a long time to realize the same thing, but I am glad for each friendship I have. True friends are difficult to find, and even more so to keep for life. However, they are worth the investment and nurturing that it takes to grow and evolve a friendship over time. Very well said, Renae.
Thanks so much, A!! I appreciate your positive feedback and support!! Keep investing in these relationships!! xoxo
There is a Zulu proverb “Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu” which translated to english means – a person is a person because of people. So true, and just change the word people to friend and it rings true as well. Great post thank you!
OOOOOO, how I love this Zulu proverb!! Thank you for sharing! Happy you stopped by Candy Coated Reality!! God bless!
Just dropped by because you seemed to have vanished from my Reader, and kept remembering your candy coated site, but genuine smile!
Hope you are fine, take care!
Thanks for thinking of Candy Coated Reality, Rom!! You’re the best!! Happy to have you stop by, again!!! God bless!!!
Glad you’ve noticed my sign:-)
My Reader shows you again, so I can read you again! Thanks for accepting me alongside yourself and many others in the The Best club:-)
You are a Candy Coated Reality!
Great story full of sage wisdom
Awe, thank you so much!! Sending you love and light!!!
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Friendship is the best! 🙂 I am forgetful but you can always trust me with a secret. When you talked about your “fun but not dependable friend” I was totally reminded of the many times my friends had to tell me something I forgot!
Absolutely, friendship is the BEST 🙂
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Thank you so so so so much for this post. As a high school girl, I really relate to the drifting of friendships in and out of my life. I think you make an excellent point, one that I’ve struggled with (and will probably continue to struggle with for a while), because I want to be everything for my friends, and kind of expect them always to be there for me too. But I’ve been trying to adjust my perspective on things like that and posts like this definitely help and are completely inspirational. You are a very insightful person!
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