Starting a family is a major decision that impacts a lifetime; more than one lifetime as a matter of fact. Sometimes, this choice is “magically” thrust upon you by accident (oopsie, birth control failed or forgotten) or unforeseen circumstances (rape or custody due to death), but for the rest of us having a baby is methodically planned out. The decision to try is only the starting line. The marathon gets seriously underway upon successful conception, the finish line is giving birth, and the glimmering trophy is your healthy newborn.
Is anyone ever really ready for a child? If you’re anything like me, then we’d all love to wait for THE… perfect circumstance, perfect time, perfect finances, perfect work/life balance, perfect house with plenty of land in the perfect school district, finding the perfect day care so your name is on the waiting list well in advance, and ohhhh, yeah I guess we should find the perfect mate too.
But as life has taught us all too well, perfect does not exist; much to my dismay. Sigh.
For me, the excitement of pregnancy, childbirth, and becoming a parent is equally matched by immense fear and my anticipation is escalated by all the unknown factors that go into making a child through artificial insemination. Now multiply the dichotomy of all of my conflicting emotions with my decision to “go it alone” then sprinkle in fertility drug induced hormone spikes coupled with a whirlwind of side effects and I think the only PERFECT we have here folks is the perfect storm!! Yep, I’ve made the choice to become a single mom… on purpose. Traditional? No. Necessary? Yes.
For many women, the standard conception-pregnancy-childbirth marathon transitions into a full-on obstacle course riddled with thick trenches of mud, walls seemingly as high as the sky, roaring flames, treacherous mountains, ravenous dogs, sharp barbed wire, shark infested water, and death defying hurdles; all standing in the way of the finish line. Envision: “Tough Mudder” aka “Tuff Mutha” – Yes, pun intended.
In my case, I’m definitely maneuvering through a race course of horrendous proportions. But I pay it all no mind, because I can walk, run, jump, swim, crawl, dodge, and climb with the best of them!! When it all becomes too much, and I can’t muster up the strength or courage required to power through to the next obstacle, I remind myself I’m blessed with an inner circle of friends and family who provide unparalleled support and protection that rivals any security system.
Wearing my armor of love and encouragement from these treasured gems, I walk proudly into battle knowing I will exit safely unscathed!!
My obstacle course includes…
- …being a single woman with no children (yet)
- …being a full-time, working professional/entrepreneur
- …turning 40 years old in August 2013
- …having Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) an incurable autoimmune disease which causes fertility issues
- …having a prolactinoma (a benign pituitary tumor) that also messes with my hormones and fertility
- …having one less ovary due to a dermoid cyst which demolished it in 2001
Yeah, it appears everything is stacked against me, but I trust with the help of specialists… I will become a mom; a very ELATED mom. With all of this “experience” I’m guessing one of these medical obstacles, my battle with fertility, and/or artificial insemination process will aid me in writing a variety of posts.
Perhaps this blog resonates with you, a family member, or friend as there are many reasons for infertility and I happen to have most of them. If you’re one of the lucky ones, then you’ve reached the finish line, no matter your struggles, and you’re basking in the glory of a well-fought race while holding your precious bundle of joy, CONGRATS!!
For the rest of us… keep running your seemingly never-ending marathon to the best of your ability and cheer others on as they walk, jog, and/or run their race. Please know, I am running right along beside you!!
© Renae Rossman and Candy Coated Reality™
candycoatedreality™ 
So proud of you!!! I know you are going to be a great mommy too 🙂
Thanks, Sweetheart!! I’m so grateful for the support of those who love me!! xo!!
aww that’s wonderful! YOU GO GIRL~! one of my friends did the very same thing, 30 years ago, and her son turned out fine. although she had a private sperm doner, which was what we called him…lol the thing she did, was designate a GodFather, to always step in, to teach (especially handy during potty training of a BOY) lol but it makes me glad to see a kind loving person like you want children…I would mention tho, if it turns out its too difficult, I know of a million children who need adoptive parents, especially children over the age of 2…. just a suggestion! May God grace you with many blessings for you and your not so easy bake OVEN! lol 🙂
Awe, thank you for your kind words of support!! This is a scary (not to mention expensive, ha!) journey, but when I receive such positive encouragement I forge ahead to make my baby dreams come true!! xo!! God bless you!!! PS, I love the “not-so-easy-bake-oven” LOL!! Great one 😉
anytime sweety, and if this is your dream, I’m sure God will make it come true. Never forget Sarah! Miracles happen daily! And I agree with your follower who suggested the grain free diet also, wheat has been destroyed genetically, and it’s pretty much everywhere now…very hard to find any that hasn’t been altered… I couldn’t do it personally, I love bread, but I KNOW its bad for me, when I go without, I feel so much better! maybe try it for a week or two, and see….but it seems to be in so many foods these days, I wonder if we are all just getting way toooo much!! I read somewhere that gluten screws with the pancreas…which effects the entire body! 🙂 now remember, give YOUR seed to God and Let it Go, and He will bring you the harvest!!! Don’t stress or worry, just KNOW He’s got this handled!!! have a great day!!
Wow! I hope all goes well with you. I learned 2 things today. PCOS is an autoimmune disease and that it’s incurable. My daughter has it as well as fibromyalgia. She is 40 as well but not financially stable so having a child alone isn’t an option. I wish you all the best with this as I know how difficult PCOS can be.
Thank you!! Please send your daughter my love and well wishes!! I know just how much of a “pain” PCOS can be… and then add Fibromyalgia on top of it? Ugh. Poor girl 😦 Well, I’m not all the financially “set” either, but when there is a will… there is a way… and I believe if God puts a dream in your heart, then He will bring it to fruition… and provide all the things necessary to handle it all 🙂 xo!!
I absolutely love this and good for you! I am in a very similar boat…single, 39, entrepreneur. And I too am looking at my options because I can’t see myself without a little one for much longer. Good bless you and good luck. Please keep us posted on your journey!
Good luck on this endeavor. I’ll be rooting for you to cross that finish line with a healthy baby in your arms.
Hi there — a few alternative methods for coping with PCOS that may able worth considering in your journey: I’ve transition into a grain-free diet, which lowers blood sugar significantly and helps with the difficult weight issues that women with PCOS encounter (I’ve maintained a healthy weight for 6 months now with little to no exercise, due to other health issues). PCOS is of course worsened by high blood sugar, and this helps regulate weight, cysts, and other symptoms. There are also some theories with regards to use of natural progesterone cream (avail. on Amazon) to regulate your hormones, and the possibility that continued use can almost entirely eliminate PCOS and fertility issues related to it. I don’t think anyone has proved it yet, though there is information out there about it if you dig, but I have noticed a significant change in my symptoms, and my periods are fairly regular since having started the diet and progesterone therapy.
Some people prefer not to deviate from the methods prescribed by doctors–which I think is basically birth control, which my body can’t handle–but thought I’d share some alt. methods in case you have any difficulties with that aspect of things. Best of luck!!
Hi Renae, I can so relate to much of this BUT I did not take that step. Regrets… of course. So I am happy for you and wish you all the best…. 🙂 Dy
Hope you face the reality of whatever lies ahead. May you find peace. In the mean time, live life as fully in other directions. Life is too short to be spent stressing out on 1 primary goal vs. enjoying the journey towards 3-4 primary other goals/desires.
I did not wish to have children. No regrets since I am the eldest of 6. Youngest is 10 yrs. younger than I. So guess who helped my mother?? It’s nice to have 7 nieces and nephews from 3 sisters for intergenerational understanding, connections…and to know that the family line doesn’t just end with me.
Wish you all the best!
Such an uplifting read. Enclosed with this comment is a prayer for your blessing and well being for you and yours.
I’m lucky enough to have had NO problem getting pregnant the first time around. But it was with the wrong man. So from pregnancy on, I was essentially a single mom with a grumpy roomate. Trying with my new husband, the odds are stacked against us. But motherhood is the most rewarding, tough, insanity-inducing, elation producing thing I have ever experienced. Good luck, get good support, and I hope your wish comes true..
Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
SO HARD TO HAVE AND KEEP CHILDREN TODAY…!
There are several things that seem impossible to us due to many contributing factors, but in God – NOTHING – Absolutely Nothing is impossible so you know you’ve won that battle already! I wish you the Very Best and indeed, if we wait for that perfect moment, we will die before seeing it materialise. You will be a Great Mom and, if any of the doctors provide negative news along the way, stash that aside and believe in yourself! You were made for this! God’s blessings upon you!
Great post. I too have PCOS and a prolactinoma (both discovered while trying to get pregnant). I now have 2 beautiful healthy kids. It can happen and already knowing is a big part of the battle! Thanks for finding my blog, having fun looking through yours!
Hi there! Thanks for following me. I have PCOS, too – just diagnosed a couple weeks ago. My plan once I really get the ball rolling is to talk about how I’m dealing with that (and Hashimoto’s thyroiditis) to become the strongest possible version of myself.
I was the result of ten years of trying – my mum was pretty much told that her chances of ever having children with my dad was just too slim. She’s told me just how much it hurt seeing so many women getting all she ever dreamed of without even trying. And then she had me. And two years later, she had my sister..
Hang in there, and I wish you the very best of luck!! Love your positive attitude!! I look forward to reading all about your journey from here to the finish line, and beyond 🙂
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I cannot wait to read all about your unique challenges and rewards! As I am a trying to conceive SMC, we should definitely stay in touch! Congratulations!!!!
Good luck! Battling infertility was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It almost broke me. But, if you aren’t happy it’s because you are not at the end yet, and finally I was rewarded with two amazing bundles of joy. Every time I hug one of my girls it’s a surreal experience because I think of how long I was convinced I would never have another baby and now I am squeezing her in my arms. Having kids was the best thing I have ever done in my whole life, trust me, you won’t regret it.
Good luck! Battling infertility was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It almost broke me. But, if you aren’t happy it’s because you are not at the end yet, and finally I was rewarded with two amazing bundles of joy. Every time I hug one of my girls it’s a surreal experience because I think of how long I was convinced I would never have another baby and now I am squeezing her in my arms. Having kids was the best thing I have ever done in my whole life, trust me, you won’t regret it.
I loved being pregnant. I only had one ovary and suffered two miscarriages but I have three beautiful living children here on earth. I didn’t plan on being a single mother but I was from the time they were 1,3 and 5 years old. It was the best role I have played in my life.