Although it seems like just yesterday, two hundred and eighty days have passed since my Daddy went to be with God.
Even though he is not here in the physical sense, Daddy has made his spiritual presence known time and time again. It certainly gives me a sense of calm knowing Daddy is ALWAYS with us!!!
“Those we love don’t go away,
They walk beside us every day,
Unseen, unheard, but always near,
Still loved, still missed and very dear.”
~ Author Unknown
September 3 Jolted awake at 3:30 am thinking I heard footsteps and whistling. Although it initially scared me, I realized it was my Daddy. He generally spent weekends with us and when he couldn’t sleep (which was often) he would sit on our front porch… patiently waiting for his little Nugget to wake up so he could lift her out of her crib. He SO loved to do that… then the two of them would spend quality time on our front porch. #AngelAmongUs
July 7 Smelled Daddy’s cigarette smoke (really strong) while I was sitting on the couch (no one nearby smokes and the windows were closed). I said, “Hi Daddy!” and then got cold chills. So the next afternoon I sat on my front porch, his favorite spot, relaxing while my little one napped.
July 3 Opened my phone and used my hand to wipe away smudges. Looked down and what did I see? My Daddy’s name!!! Pretty sure this was his way of letting me know he would be celebrating Fourth of July with us in spirit like he usually would each year.
June 18 Put plaid shorts on Via today; She said “Are those mine? **giggle** I’m Papaw!!!” Ha! Ha! Ha!
June 16 Papaw is ALWAYS with us and I love that my precious little Nugget reminds me!! First thing Via said tonight when I started the car, “PAPAW!!!! Papaw sitting next to me!! Papaw in the car!! Papaw back here!!”
May 29 Via and I ran out to grab some lunch… On the way home Daddy’s truck (exact make, model, color and year) appeared behind us.
This made me both happy and sad because on Memorial Day my Daddy would have spent the holiday weekend with us.
April 23 Wow. The scariest thing happened!! While cleaning off our driveway with the garden hose, Via was right behind me “helping” but I guess the neighbor’s steps beckoned her. In lightning speed she was at the top of the steep incline. I sprinted to her… only to watch her stumble and start headfirst down the stairs. I was terrified that she might break her neck, back, or worse.
Miraculously, she suddenly jerked violently, fell to her right, and landed safely on the little stone landing. I knew in that moment it was my Daddy who pushed her. As soon as I got to her Via said, “Papaw pushed my butt!!” THANK YOU, DADDY!! #BestGuardianAngel
April 17 Via kept repeating, “MY Papaw. I want Papaw. Papaw coming. Papaw outside. I want Papaw” over and over ALL DAY!! I just kept repeating, “Yes, YOUR Papaw. Papaw loves you. Papaw is an angel. Papaw wishes he could be here. I love Papaw too. I miss Papaw too!” I’m so thankful these two had/have such a strong bond!!
March 29 This saying (on a gift bag) made me think of my Daddy today!!! He ALWAYS put others before himself. Yesterday morning, Via exclaimed “Papaw!!!” Then said “Papaw outside” and pointed to the front porch **giggling** She was so happy!!
I told her “Awe! Honey! Papaw loves you very much!” She grinned. Then said “Papaw loves you… too… and Megan [my sister]… and Madi [my niece]… too!!!” My. Heart. Melted. So far my girl is a mini version of my Daddy; full of heart and love!!
March 5 Via woke up this morning… looked out to the porch… pointed and said “Papaw!!” while grinning ear to ear!!! #MissingOurBestGuy
February 6 This morning, I put Via in bed to cuddle with me. She did for a bit, then looked up/over and said “Papaw here!!” I asked where is he? And she looked next to the bed and pointed, “Right there! Papaw help you!” Then I told her “Papaw loves you so much” and she smiled and said “loves you” while nodding yes. Awe!!!! #PapawHere
January 8 We loved celebrating Christmas with Megan and Madi!!! Once they left, Vivia kept saying she saw Papaw today… and he is happy!!! Awe!! #AlwaysWithUs
December 20 Awe!! Last night, I found a treasured gem on my phone. Daddy left me a voicemail on 9.22.16. It made me equally happy and sad to hear him call me Punkin and tell me he loves me. Thank God for technology, so I can always hear his voice.
December 13 This morning I heard “RahNae” at 5:23 am. It was Via’s voice. It was loud. She has never called me Renae. As a matter of fact, she doesn’t even know I have a name other than Mommy. Ha! I got up and she was fast asleep… cuddled atop of her blankets. I checked the thermostat and it was 66 degrees (I needed to update my preset temps in the thermostat – furnace was working perfectly). So I kicked the heat up to 70, walked across the creaking hardwood floor to grab a blanket and put it on Via. She never moved. Fast asleep. I swear it was my Daddy waking me to keep her warm. Awe!!!
December 5 Today we made Daddy’s funeral arrangements and every single place we went there was a penny on the ground waiting for us; my sister’s driveway, funeral home, restaurant and Target parking lots, and Starbucks floor. Then at Megan’s, Via walks up and says, “here, Mommy” and handed me a penny. Daddy wanted to let us know he approved of every decision we made for his memorial!! #PenniesFromHeaven
Daddy has also visited me twice in my dreams. I cannot remember the specific dates since I didn’t write them down, but I do know one was shortly after his death. In the dream he was sitting at his memorial watching everyone without saying a word. I also took this as a sign that he was pleased with the arrangements that my sister and I made for him and this was his way of reassuring me that everything would be fine.
The next dream, Daddy brought me to heaven with him. Words cannot accurately depict the beauty I experienced in that dream. Everything was in vivid color; calm and serene. Daddy and I were walking outdoors… he LOVED nature and being outside… and we were roaming lovely grassy hills and then we were walking among the clouds. It was as if the hills were so high that we were above the clouds as we walked. The sky was a brilliant rainbow of colors similar to a sunset sky.
We walked silently… and this was typical for my Daddy who used his words sparingly. At one point, it seemed like the hills turned into cliffs. We sat on the edge of one and admired the spectacular scene surrounding us. I looked at him and said, “I need to teach Via to be careful on these hills, so she doesn’t fall off” and Daddy turned to me, smiled, and nodded in agreement. I woke up with such a sense of peace and love in my soul. This dream alone sustains me on days when I miss Daddy the most. #WeWillSeeOneAnotherAgain
© Renae Rossman and Candy Coated Reality™