“Everyday Struggle…”

Positivity. Contrary to popular belief does NOT ooze out of my pores. I know, I know, I know… this may come as a surprise to many, but positivity is an everyday struggle for me!!

Recently, I was sitting on the rooftop of my friend’s downtown loft. Seven lovely ladies surrounded me **smile** I affectionately call them my “downtown girls” as nearly all of us live downtown or so close that I call it downtown adjacent. We get together often.

We were heavy in conversation when one of the girls muttered an unflattering comment about herself. We all looked quizzically at her wondering from where and why these self-berating words appeared. It was baffling. Everyone around me is gorgeous. Strong. Generous. Independent. Loving. Intelligent. Supportive. Driven. Humble. So of course it was a surprise to hear such negativity – besides the fact whatever she said (which I cannot remember for the life of me) was so untrue??

Without missing a beat, one of my friends said, “Ok. We are going to go around and each name one thing we LIKE about ourselves.” She glared around as to insist rather than request and we all nodded in agreement. I quickly chimed in, “Noooo, I think we need to say TWO things!!” while giving the same authoritative look as my friend. She smiled approvingly and everyone agreed again. Looking around the circle of girls I could see excitement on the faces of a few, confusion on others and down-right fear on several which I read as, “Holy crap… what am I going to say!”

Slowly, we made our way around our sweet circle. Each taking our time and saying two things great and wonderful about ourselves. Each comment brought a proud tear to my eye. What a wonderful group of ladies. I’m so blessed to call each of them friends. When it was my turn I smiled and rattled off something and then, “And, I’m thankful for my positivity” and as I glanced around to see several nods of agreement I continue, “which is a daily struggle for me. It does not come naturally. Not in any way shape or form.” Looking around again, I see waves of shock and awe in my friends faces. One said, “No way! You’re the most positive person I’ve ever met!” Another says, “Are you kidding me? Seriously? It is a struggle? I would have NEVER guessed.” And then I hear, “OMG, your positivity seems so natural.”

Well, I guess I’ve been working at “finding silver linings” since 1997. Ever since a little yellow post-it note glared up at me with a challenge. At the time, it seemed like a small feat, but over the years I’ve realized it is more of a struggle than I ever imagined. Let me take you back to the day I found that elusive yellow post-it note with its inspiring scribble…

As one could imagine, my life has had its necessary ebbs and flows. As all lives do. I’ve certainly evolved over my nearly four decades on this earth. My most evolutionary time was the nearly 12 months I lived with my grandmother. See, I became deathly ill while a junior in college. My long days of school with a full course load, working full-time, attending to extra-curricular scholarly activities necessary to beef up my post-graduation resume (student government, sorority, political clubs, etc.), and of course my nearly 24-hour partying ways finally caught up with me. Burning the candle at both ends was an understatement. I was sick. Very. Sick.

After nearly a full year of all this illness-mess, my doc confirmed that I had mono. Rest, rest, rest was my prescription. Soon the semester drew to a close and I decided to go back to Indiana to live with my grandma. During that time I learned so much about her. My grandpa had passed while I was a senior in high school, so grandma had lived alone for several years. I vividly remember her opening up to me. Telling stories about how controlling my grandfather was with her and their family.

My grandma was a stay-at-home mom to four children whom she had in succession. One right after another. Poor girl was pregnant for nearly five years. Straight. Oh. My. Haaaaa!! She told me once shortly after marriage they were nearly in a car accident and she screamed in fear. My grandpa looked over and glared at her while saying, “Never raise your voice again!” And from what I could tell… she never did. Wow. This was only one of many treacherous events my grandma experienced at the hands of my grandfather. Sadly.

Grandma would tell me all kinds of stories. I was intrigued. Of course, I never saw that side of my grandfather. I think people change around their grandkids. Soften. Spoil. You know? Anyway, I reminisce back to my grandfather’s funeral and remember my granny’s sadness, but I also noticed she was different. Lighter. Calm, airy, serene. Was she in shock? Was she numb? I was too young at 17 to really make heads or tails of it all. But then when I was nearly 24 and returning home to live with her it all made sense as I listened to her stories.

One day she came out of her room dressed in a pretty sleeveless top covered with a polyester jacket paired with matching pants – a “pant suit” as she called them. She always dressed up with gorgeous jewels and in bright, pretty colors. She smiled and said, “Your grandpa never let me wear pants!” Wow. Granny always had on a skirt or dress. How did I never notice? Her eyes sparkled with her new found independence. She loved pants. OMG, she had to wait until her 70’s to wear what she wanted to wear? Oh. My. The thought of such a limited life halted me in my tracks. Poor granny.

Here are a few pics of little me with Granny… she was always wearing a skirt!!

I found myself in her bedroom one day, marveling at all of her jewelry and I noticed a small yellow post-it note taped to the bottom right-hand corner of her large mirror above her dresser. It looked tattered and aged. The handwriting was comforting and familiar.

With all the letters, cards and correspondence from my granny over my lifetime I would recognize her handwriting from a mile away. Never waste one day of your life… living it in anger!  Dumbfounded. Shaking my head. I was in disbelief. How in the hell was this delicate woman not entirely pissed. Seriously? Mad. For all the limitations wielded upon her throughout her life???

Granny could be angry. She could be sad. She could be… the long list of emotions raced through my mind. But she CHOSE to be happy. How? Where did she get the strength? The perseverance? Even in telling me her stories, she was very matter of fact. No trace of heartache on her face or sadness in her tone of voice. In that moment a thought ran across my mind, “If she could go through hell and back. Then. Of course. I can choose happiness too, right?” So from that day on I decided to forge through life positive and optimistic. Each day I wake I choose happy. Positive. Optimistic. Some days are certainly more difficult than others. Ha!

Granny left this earth Dec. 18, 2003. Sigh.

Each time I remember the year I lived with her and how she nursed me back to health – not only physically, but mentally and emotionally too – a warmth washes over me, my eyes glisten with appreciation and a smile appears in my heart!! The time spent with her certainly shaped the woman I am today and I will FOREVER be indebted to Marion Claire N-R. If I can help one other person in this world the way my Granny help me, then I’ve lived one hell of a fulfilling life. Indeed.

© Renae Rossman and Candy Coated Reality™

138 thoughts on ““Everyday Struggle…”

  1. That rooftop moment was one of the most special downtown moments I have had. How can 7+ women all get together and no scream and yell at one another? All sorts of ages and personalities and we mesh. It truly becomes fate and that gives me hope. I had mono when I was a senior in high school. My mother thought I was just being a, “lazy sonofabitch.” (She meant well though haha) but I remember curled in a ball on my living room floor crying so hard with this horrible pain in my lungs. I had mono…with plurisy. The infection that killed thousands little over 20 years ago. It was a poison on the outside of my lungs…and it ripped in pain. Every moment I took a breath it hurt worse and then I would cry….and breathe…and pain. It was exhausting. I went to Prom in a size 0 $400 dress. I weighed 90lbs.

    While on this “weight loss” I was dating a guy who lied to me everyday, I was on all sorts of anti-depressants and was pulling my hair out. Literally, ripping out the sides ad neck hairs. I looked sickly and felt malnourished, because I was, and I was losing it. My hair, my health, and my mind. The one person that held my hand through this moment was my mother. I ended up breaking up with this guy and I remember my mother sayiing one thng to me, “You’ve been through a lot, you’ve let yourself go, but I am so incredibly happy you took your life back and had some sort of mental strength to tell him to “fuck off.” I hope this shows you how strong you really are.” And it did. I went on through life, doubting myself. Lack of confidence. Love being busted. Friends walking all over me. Vice versa even. But in the end I remember my mother seeing my strength, and now because of her, beause of you, Renae, because of my Downtown Family and other friends, I have realized I am stronger than I have ever been. I deserve it all. I have hit my lows and need to remember that I’ve climbed out of those holes.

    Hearing about your Granny for the second time, it really hurt me for you. How frustrating to live a certain way because someone you love tells you to. Just remember she had complete strength to understand what was wrong and that she knew not to live angry. This post subtly is a part of your life RIGHT NOW. Don’t be angry over your jellybean. You never were, you have asked “Why me, still?” and thats common, but you have conquered and succeeded what your Granny wanted you to FEEL. This should give you great strength, postive vibes, and plain of faith that you have been handed these moments and experiences because it is known that you can face them, and when you feel you can’t, thats what we are for…to tell you to get your ass back up.

    Whew….maybe it’ time for me to blog. I have been wanting to write about that night for a hile. I have a ton of “Drafts” but can’t spit it out. Tonight…I’m feeling alive. 😀

  2. Nae, you made me smile😊 I have the same memories of our granny. I adored her. I used the same motivation to deal with my drew’s diagnosis. I should get your cell so we can keep in touch more. Love you

  3. This post is wonderful and made me think about the nine years I had my grandma. So many lessons learned watching her live, laugh, love on a daily basis. Thanks for sharing your journey

  4. I am an advocate in a domestic violence shelter and this story is an all too familiar heart wrenching story. Many people do not realize or recognize emotional abuse and just how damaging it is to a person’s spirit. Your grandmother must have been a very strong woman to make it through that and still have the ability to be happy. I do agree with you though; happiness is a choice we make, daily. Your Grandma left you with a beautiful gift, helping you to be the person you are today. I believe that is God working through people, our angels here on earth. Thank you for sharing your story; as you are also an angel here on earth, helping those who read your blog.

    • Motivatah, thank you for your supporting words of encouragement!!

      Yes, indeed my Grandmother was the most inspiring woman I’ve ever known and I’m thankful for all she taught me while on this earth and how her spirit guides me even today!! Couldn’t agree with you more about earth bound angels… we are truly blessed by their presence in our lives and thank you for saying I may be one of them **tear** You’re a gem!!

      I’ve always felt like my divine intention is to share my thoughts, feelings, and experiences in written form for the world. Thank you for your validation of this inner feeling 🙂 Keep up your great work with domestic violence. I can only imagine how heart wrenching it must be at times, yet I’m sure you’re also an angel to those you meet and help daily!! xo!!

  5. This brought tears to my eyes. I too had a most wonderful grandmother. Mine died in 1995 and there’s not one day that goes by that I don’t miss her (and quote her positivity!)

  6. Seakist, aren’t grandparents the BEST? Oh, how I miss mine… as you do!! I’m comforted in knowing she is always with me in my heart and memories. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to share her wisdom with others!!

    Thanks, Edward!! Yes, Granny ROCKED it, indeed 🙂

    • Thanks, Leith!! So happy you stopped by Candy Coated Reality!! I totally feel your pain (sorry you cried!! – but happy it was in a good way **smile**). All four of my grandparents are deceased **frown** and grandparents day can be emotionally challenging, yet I know I have four angels looking out for me daily – so that makes me smile!! May happy memories of your Grandma comfort you when sadness creeps in and you miss her!! Grandparents are THE BEST 🙂 xo!!

  7. I came to this realization a different way, and positivity is a struggle. But I’ve always tried to keep my negativity to myself. Even when I’m sad or down or any other “bad” feeling when I am around other people I do my best to smile and keep my head up. After all strangers shouldn’t have to pay the costs because I’m having a bad day!

    I very much enjoyed your story though. It’s wonderful to know that those that leave are still watching over us. 😀

    • kwgsmith, how IRONIC that you made this comment… I just wrote my first article called “Happy From the Inside Out” that will be published in the Spring 2013 (January 22) issue of the Law of Attraction magazine. My article is all about how… “Outwardly I was confident, happy, outgoing, and positive, but on the inside I was insecure, cruel, skeptical, and negative. My inside was diametrically opposed to my outside. I certainly could talk the talk, but in no way could I walk the walk.” All 1500-ish words about how I made my insides just as happy as my outsides. AND, it took time!!

      I have a feeling there are many of us who hide our negativity 🙂 Mine just started eating away at me. I hope the article helps others and I’m super PUMPED because it will be my first official published article!! This is a dream I’ve had since I was an editor of my high school newspaper back in 90-91 🙂 Tee hee!!

      And you’re so right… strangers shouldn’t have to pay when we are having a bad day!!

      • Wow, that’s amazing! Glad your dreams are coming true. 😀

        I was like that as well, with my negativity eating away at me. But after a while my insides started reflecting my outside more and more. It helped that I’ve gradually started to do more and more things that I love, giving me more and more reasons to be happy and upbeat. Hard to be down when you are doing something you love! But still every once in a while you have bad days. On those days I just kind of grin and bear it, and know that when I wake up tomorrow I’ll be back to being positive again.

  8. What a wonderful story and inspiring attitude you have. Yes, a lot of people think that it comes so easily and naturally to “positive people.” It doesn’t! Human beings are wired to hate, be jealous, be selfish and not give benefit of the doubt. It’s the life-long puzzle called “The Ego” that we’ve been given the duty of constantly trying to solve.

    Thanks for stopping by Warrior Poet Wisdom. Make a great day.

    • Oh, yes Miro… the Ego!! Can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a conversation with a friend and said, “Is that really how you feel… (or… is that really what you believe…) or is that simply your EGO talking?” I’ve tried for years to downplay my ego and increase my soul. It takes a daily focus!! Thanks 🙂 And, I look forward to reading more of your wisdom!! xo

  9. Your grandma is a saint. I admire those who can endure this life and possibly even enjoy it eventually. God bless her soul. I think you inherited your sweet granny’s demeanor and loveliness. Thank you for introducing yourself by way of your comments. I am in down mode today….but hope to be lifted up by reading blogs such as yours…..

    ~dale, brandon’s mom

  10. People used to think I was super confident, they were surprised when during a game of truth or dare where we all had to admit our biggest fear I said, “That one day my lack of confidence will consume me.” We are all so good at wearing masks yet not so good at seeing past them. Fortunately now, I have my inner confidence after a few years of working on it and working out my life issues so I’ve allowed my mask to drop.

    I miss my grandfather every day, he died in 1979.

    • James, grandparents are such a blessing!! I found this online and simply love it, “Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day, unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed and very dear.” I know my grandparents look over me and this brings me comfort 🙂 Yes, we all wear masks… just depends on the individual as to what he/she is hiding!!! KUDOS on dropping your mask… it isn’t always easy.

  11. Wow, this is beautiful. My own grandmother was one of those shining people, so I understand the loss but also the love. I’ve actually spent this year of my life sick, with what mono sometimes results in, chronic fatigue. How fascinating a journey, illness is. There is so much to learn from it, especially about time. Thank you for your wonderful post.

    • MarcelleLiemant, Oh I certainly hope you get the rest needed to recoup quickly!! I know all too well how mono can knock you down 😦 You’re so right… it is certainly a fascinating journey!!! Thank you so much for your kind words!! I believe grandmothers are earth bound angels who provide us love, wisdom and support 🙂 xo!!

  12. I was both engrossed and moved by the wisdom and strength of one who was held in such tight restraint for such along time.The more that I took In only served to make me hungry for more of what is a wonderful tribute to her memory. I’am also feeling that the chip hasn’t fallen too far from the block and that it is a legacy that you’ve embraced with the openess of your heart and the beauty of a mind such as yours, forged out of such phylosofical truth. Much thanks and love of the share.

    • Neville, I so appreciate your kind words!! I do hope and pray I’ve absorbed a bit of my grandmother… and that my life is an echo of all she taught me during her lifetime 🙂 That to me… is the greatest compliment ANYONE could give me!!

  13. When life knocks you down and then kicks you around,
    Ask yourself if you have a half empty or half full cup?
    Because when you’re down the only way to go is up.
    Your post is inspiring. Thanks for sharing.

  14. Renae, thanks for sharing such a wonderful story and your positive lesson from it. Having had a mother in a controlling relationship and having been in several myself, I want to say it’s important also for a person to realize she has the power to leave the relationship if she so desires. While we may love people who don’t empower our freedom, love doesn’t mean having to be victimized on a day-to-day basis. I stayed many years in a relationship with someone I shouldn’t have because I thought if I left, it meant I didn’t love that person. Your grandma seemingly felt she had more to gain by staying than leaving, but no one could be in that situation without feeling angry, which was a natural way for her unconscious to try to keep her healthy and safe. Certainly we can choose to direct feelings toward a goal, as you so eloquently point out. Feelings are also helpful guideposts to what we may not want or be able to see. It is then the action of what we do with anger that counts – some of the world’s most respected figures were fueled by righteous anger to unjust situations.

    • Thanks, R 🙂 Couldn’t agree more!! I’m happy to hear you found your way out of those relationships!!

      My G’ma was a stay-at-home mother with four children and back in her day you stayed married – “till death do you part” – but the great thing is… she empowered me through her life experience and stories. I remember on her death bed in 2003, I was telling her about things happening in my life and my desire for marriage and children and she responded, “Don’t rush it, honey. Figure out who YOU are first. The right man will come along. Take your time!” One smart lady 🙂 xo!!

  15. This was such a great post. I read the entire thing and felt great about it, as I can relate to you in so many ways. The friends I have, my grandmother’s situation. Well-written, and I will be an avid follower for sure.

  16. Thanks for your like!! Like your blog muchly….It is amazing how people look at things isn’t it?
    I know I used to look at my nan and wonder why she put up with things she did from my arsey grandfather….and she was always POSITIVE!! I often wonder why she wasn’t depressed…

  17. A lovely post, thank you so much for sharing, it was very inspiring! Your grandma was a very strong woman. I am going to follow you and I look forward to your future posts 🙂

  18. I liked this story a lot! It’s amazing what you can learn from our grandmothers 🙂 I just lost one of mine this year as well, but holding on to her spirit because she was a huge part of my life! You are very fortunate to have a group of great women to support you. Can’t wait to read more 🙂

    • Jesse, yes hold on tight to her spirit… I believe she will always be with you!! “Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day, unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed and very dear.” Thanks for your encouragement!!

  19. This post helped me tonight. Sometimes I feel like a real failure—but I am a grandma—and if i can show love and care to my granddaughters as they grow up–well, I will be very happy to see that happen. They are 1 and 3 right now. I have a lot to look forward to and a lot to live for. Thanks.

  20. I really enjoyed your article—particularly since you shared pieces of your own experience to make your point. Your grandmother sounds awesome. Mine passed away in 1997. She was a spitfire and a sweetheart in one paradoxical package. Optimism doesn’t come naturally to me, either. I find that writing my blog forces me out of my troughs at times.

    Again, thanks for sharing.

  21. What a beautiful, and well written story candy 😀 I so can relate to you, and then at the same time I can’t. It’s worth blogging about I guess ! I admire your loving Granny. What a strong woman she has been, with such a granddad at her side, and her voice smothered before she would even speak. We all have our lessons to learn in life, and this was what she had to learn in life, and unfortunatly you became ill, but on the other hand, you developed a great bond with your Loving Granny, which all was ment to be ! Cherish ( and I can read you do) what you’ve had together. She taught you great lessons, worth learning. I also had to learn myself to focus on the positive, instead of always pointing out the bad, because as a young girl I had developed a depression, so this was how it was and I didn’t knew any better, until.. and Now I’m very positive I can truly say I love Myself, and that’s a very big acomplishment from where I came from 😀 Alright I’ve said enough for now 🙂 Lovely to read you, and untill next blog. Warm greetingz from The Netherlands. Marjon

    • Oh, Marjon… what wonderful things to say in your comment! Thank you 🙂 Isn’t it lovely how we can visit one blog, have a good read, walk away with tidbits we relate to and then feel inspired to write? I just LOVE it 😉 Keep your chin up!!!

  22. Hey there! Thank you for visiting my blog! I love your writing, and I agree, it takes work and presence to be able to stay positive, to find joy in life. It doesn’t come naturally, yet, it can come to feel natural. Your friend circle sounds amazing! Peace, Vanessa

  23. I peeked in because I saw you enjoyed my post at Humoring the Goddess: I am finding I enjoy your point of view too! I don’t always have time to read blogs but I will make time for yours. Thanks for sharing from the heart…

  24. I live with four other females – one 18 year old roommate, a 39 year old with her daughter and then my daughter. Our nightly dinner routine is going around the table to give praise to each other and ourselves =) It’s very important to do that because we’re surrounded constantly by media and society’s version of what’s “good” or “bad” and we have to ignore it and focus on being true to ourselves. Thank you for this lovely post =)

  25. Beautiful post, Renae. Thanks for stopping by my blog and liking my post on how opening your heart can open your eyes. It gave me the opportunity to check out your blog (Terrific BTW!) and to get to know your grandmother a little and be blessed by her wisdom. – Great post-it note advice!

  26. Some of the greatest lessons I learned from my Grandmother I didn’t realize until later. They were teaching us, in the way they knew how to. Grandmother, granddaughter relationships are special indeed. Great post, and thank you for stopping by mine.

    • Thanks, Denise!! I’m sad all my grandparents are now deceased, yet I’m happy I was blessed with my Great Grandmother for a vast majority of my life… and I’m comforted in knowing my grandparents watch over me now!! Wisdom can sneak up on ya, right? LOL!! Awesome lessons for sure 🙂

  27. Wow. That was…. a fantastic story. You are a really great blogger, I felt as if I was in the room with you and your grandmother. A wonderfully inspiring story.

    • Awe, I so appreciate your positive feedback!! Thank you 🙂 Memories of my granny inspire me daily… happy to hear you’re inspired too!! I love to honor her with my writing… makes me feel close to her again even though she is in heaven!!!

  28. What a wonderful story! It remembers me to my Grandmother. She was also a strong and wonderful lady. Thanks for sharing this wonderful story and also thank you for liking my post.

  29. I appreciate your frank sharing about a deeply transforming and very personal part of your life. I felt touched and inspired especially by your living in the present attitude and choosing positiveness to embrace your day to day life. Thank you for making the connection with me through like my blog post….I have just come on board WordPress.com and I am so pleased that I am meeting positive and inspirational people like yourself. Your grandmother was also a very wise lady who understood how important it is to “Know Thyself” first. This has been my personal life’s work and it is ongoing and it can also be fun…:)

    • Yes, Granny was adamant about “Know Thyself” first… even on her death bed she insisted I take time for myself before I settle down in marriage – I’m still taking that time, LOL!! Have fun with WordPress… it is a great place out here… full of wonderful people 🙂 Thank you so much for your supportive encouragement!! Sending you love and light!!

  30. I find that youngsters are basked in pure love as they’ve come from the source of all love, and that the older people get the wiser they get with their love. Both are a pure love, but the elders are much more experienced and can better annunciate what is natural to them in their life progression. Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful woman.

    I like how you tied the story with friends to the lesson she taught you. I can imagine having a positive influence during a testing time was helpful to you, and her influence seems to have clearly paid off xo

  31. Dear Renae, it was very touching to read your words! Thank you for telling of this insight of your grandma and you! And you were telling it your friends in a tender and prudent form!
    Interesting, it makes this day suddenly a little bit more lightly, more shining.
    Since friday last week we had fog all day and when I look outside, I see the sun shining!

  32. This is such a well written, heart warming post – congratulations! What a special woman your Granny was. I can resonate – people assume being positive and strong is default for me, but it’s a conscious choice and it’s not always easy, absolutely not, but it’s a great compliment that it seems like it is…and then I have to remember though that that means I have to let people know if I’m really struggling, because they don’t expect me to. Thanks for the like, I’m glad to have found you.

  33. I remember my “Old Grandma”. I had a “New Grandma” (mother’s side) and an Old one (father’s side). She was a farmer’s wife and she was the ONLY one in the world who really loved me. Without that love, I think I would have been dead a long time ago.

  34. If we are lucky we all have that special person who gives us unconditional love that lasts forever! I did! Thanks for sharing!

    • Yes, we are very lucky!! I thank God that I was blessed with grandparents and parents who love me unconditionally!! Not everyone gets this experience **wink, smile** I thank God every night before I go to sleep and every morning upon waking!!!

      • That is so very true, it is very surprising so many people have not experienced unconditional love. Bless you.

  35. I love your post, so candid, so sweet! I can’t imagine what your Grandmother had to endure though out her married life to live her life not as she wanted to. Her story should encourage you to be true to yourself, just for her! She was a remarkable woman to not become bitter by it, my mother who is now 93 is from that generation as well. Always was a loving person and had a smile on her face, no matter what she felt on the inside. She felt life was what you make of it, there’s no time for feeling sorry for yourself! They can from tough stock!! I welcomed your remarks on my blog, thanks for reading it and leaving a comment as well!

  36. Good Post!

    Positivity and Negativity exists because we do not accept life in its totality. Some things we like and some things we dont..We have drawn a line; we have marked our side..but life as a whole consists of both positive and negative…we have created good and bad, right and wrong, success and failure – these are all our creation – but God created this world – he did not separate out good and bad, right and wrong..but we have…and this has become our misery.

    Positivity and negativity comes into the picture, when the outcome of something is unknown. Our mind moves from the positive end to the negative end – we keep guessing the outcome – every second we want to know…this has caused us great misery..because it is impossible to know what the outcome will be…it is impossible to know the future..in this situation, it is either a yes or a no..and we oscillate like a pendulum..

    It is also worthwhile to understand, and many of us have also experienced, that the more we try to become positive, the negative side also becomes equally stronger, they go hand in hand..they are actually two sides of the same coin..one cannot exist without the other..positivity is there because negativity exists and vice versa…if negativity vanishes, then the word positivity will also vanish..but the mind wont listen…it will keep guessing – yes or NO..Good or Bad..it keeps going..

    So, I feel, doing away with one of the two, or forcing anyone of the two is not possible…you cannot overpower one with the other because the existence of one is because of the other…both of them are equally powerful..

    My suggestion to you would be…not to force yourself to be positive..it should not be a daily struggle..rather try to see BOTH OF THEM (Positive and negative) as separate from “YOU”…and understand that they are only a game of your mind..let positivity come..watch it..feel it..let negativity come..again watch it..feel it..the more you watch you positivity or negativity..the more you will separate from both…What I mean is NEITHER BE POSITIVE NOR BE NEGATIVE…one day both will vanish..

    Arnab Sinha

    • Thank you, Arnab!! I love your comment. Yes, I totally agree. We need both the positive and negative (even a battery needs both to work)!! My thought is… because we NEED the negative, I choose to view anything negative as an actual positive since roadblocks, obstacles, challenges (negative) all led to growth and learning – which growth and learning must be positives, right? Sounds tricky, I know. Ha! Ha!

  37. How blessed you are to have such wonderful friends. I have lived in the same place for almost 17 years and as much as I have tried to find friends around here – it just never has happened. I still am made to feel like an outsider. So I am really considering making a move to a new place – but do not know which way to go. However, when the time is right the money and home will be waiting for me and hopefully I will make some new friends. Thanks you for sharing your story – it helped me to smile a little more after a very frustrating day.

  38. Thanks this post reminds me that certain people are put into my life to show me something or teach me a lesson. I am happy to be aware enough today to let these people know that I am thankful for what they show me..

  39. Hello Again, Thanks for all the likes. It’s Good to hear from you again. We Doowans hope you and yours are well, and that this new year and cycle brings you much happiness and joy! We have finally finished “The Three Attentions of Human Kind”. Hope you enjoyed the reading. See you soon in Blog land. Thanks Again!

  40. This post resonated with me in a profound way, and the beautiful story as well. I make that same choice every day to be positive and I understand exactly the way you described it – just gorgeous.

  41. Pingback: Very inspiring blogger award! – Thank you San! | lighthouselantern

  42. I applaud your effort to stay positive every day. Someimes its not easy. I only hope my grandson has as loving memories of me as you have of your grandma…then it would be ME that was truly blessed

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